Tess in Love in Cherry

I'm besotted with my first boyfriend; I guess it had to happen sometime. Our relationship could be measured from the time the germs of mutual attraction sprouted (about a year and a half), or from the time we determinedly first touched lips (five months), or simply by the intense karmic pulses that encapsulate the whole union.

The symptoms of love are humiliating: earnestly firing off sentimental text messages, reflexive head rushes begat by the slightest waft of a scent reminiscent of theirs, empathy with some of the worst love songs ever written, a treasure-box of shared memories that swarm the ether of consciousness... I can't even bring myself to describe the gallery of facial expressions associated with infatuation. Truly, the whole process is nauseating.

When in love, trying not to talk about it is like trying to stuff Jello into an envelope; the soggy paper rips and saccharine goop spills everywhere, and Jello should really make anyone want to vomit - the flavors are abominable, the texture is scary and besides, the shit is made of horse hooves. Why even go to the effort of stuffing it into an envelope? It should be left in the fridge indefinitely, preferably in the basement where it won't intrude upon everyday meals. The deeper I submerge into love, the more I want to kick myself, but I usually can't manage it because it's very hard to move within Jello.

In its defense, though, Jello is fun to make. This is probably because the preparation process is stupidly easy: heat some water, mix it with the powder (for extra credit, make sure all the powder is dissolved), mix that with cold water, and refrigerate. Seriously? The hardest part is waiting for it to firm, unless the bag of powder is especially tricky to open. A kindergartner could make Jello; your grandmother could make Jello; my little brother could make Jello and he can barely keep his pants on all day. If this gratuitous metaphor is making you sick, go lay down with a cool compress and start thinking about how you're going to deal with life, and please let me know if you figure something out.