It's Tess, Bitch

I'm not a bitch in any capacity. It's not in my nature, nor was my bitchiness ever nurtured; insecurity has crippled my initiative to learn assertion. This has cut out a lot of potential conflict from my life, which is superficially relieving, but ultimately the only result is that I've become an excellent doormat. To become an excellent doormat, one must achieve a passive and flaccid state of mind, which results in grotesque plasticity. I've noticed myself warping my personality as situations vary just so I can avoid the minimum amount of conflict. Pathetic? Embarrassing? If you say so.

On the contrary, you'll notice that bitches are rigid. A bitch is a bitch no matter where she goes. In my opinion, every woman is entitled to harness bitchiness. Bitchiness is raw power (which is mostly recognized in the context of being used for evil). Bitches are strong and secure, and are thereby capable of great accomplishments. I'm not talking about cruel sophomores who pick on the fat and ugly, because they're just mean, and are actually the opposite of true bitches. Similar misconceptions make true punks hard to identify. Here's a hint: true bitches and punks are rare amongst teenagers, since adolescents are plastic by definition. Another hint: yes, there is a significant overlap between bitches and punks.

I need to learn bitchiness. To be a functional adult, one must be a bitch. My time has come. Bitches, I salute you.